It’s always a strange thing seeing someone famous in person. I haven’t seen many – Conan O’Brien, Jon Lovitz, N*Sync (that one was by accident, I swear – wrong place at the wrong time). I think there are others. One thing that such encounters always have in common is, the celebrity’s height is never what [...]

Ever since Apple came out with a way to boot Windows XP on a Macintosh, I’ve had my eye on those nifty-neato iMacs with the whole computer contained in the screen. I kept resisting, kept telling myself that my current computer still had plenty of life left in it, but then, one day, when I [...]

No fewer than eight women saw my penis today. I woke up Wednesday morning with some funky pain in my lower-right abdomen. It was pretty dull for most of the day, but by lunch time, it was heading more towards the moderate range. I remembered from the episode of Full House when Uncle Jesse and [...]

There is a debate raging in the cubicle next to mine about religion and tolerance and political correctness and all of that kind of stuff, yet another endless discussion catalyzed by the question of whether they should be called “Christmas lights” or “Holiday lights” in the workplace. As an apathist, debate offends me.

The ol’ Purge isn’t just for entertainment: you can learn something, too! Here are some strange, but completely true, little tidbits. Impress your friends! – Throughout your entire life, your pinky toe does not stop growing. – Most automatic transmissions in today’s vehicles emit trace amounts of gamma radiation. – The word “stop” is the [...]

I continue to maintain that office life is a bizarre, no, stupid thing. Eleven months out of twelve, we tax ourselves with the burdens inherent to political correctness. It is accepted, blindly perhaps, that the use of any word which refers to an activity in which one person might participate but another might not is [...]

I don’t know why people stress about the holidays so much. I’ve never found gift-buying terrifically demanding; dads get golf stuff, moms get pretty, useless things to hang on the wall, and sisters get Harry Potter merchandise. The cooking, while time-consuming, isn’t all that horrible, though to be fair, the culinary arts are, to me, [...]

I am about to admit to something. This thing is a thing to which I should have admitted many eons ago, but pride and ego forbade, shame and modesty stifled pride and ego, intelligence and reason stifled shame and modesty and were in turn stifled by pride and ego, the whole thing whipped up into [...]

Just now, a coworker of mine was talking about some fellow named Jim Lemma. When this coworker was done with whatever tirade he was going on with (I didn’t pay much attention), I said the following: “Yeah, I’ve never liked Mr. Lemma very much. He never justifies himself, so you have to take everything he [...]

Pandemonium reigns today at the office, with all individuals present packing up their belongings and trying to get the hell out by noon when the movers show up to destroy all of our stuff. No person can coax himself or herself into working. Productivity is being lost. I have little doubt that the company’s stock [...]