Ray Merkler's Blog Title Is Meta

There’s a new sexual epidemic sweeping America and possibly the world, and it has conservatives and religious officials up in arms.

They’re calling it breastfeeding. All across the nation, mothers of infants and toddlers are participating in what they claim to be an ancient practice, placing their nipples in the mouths of their children for extended periods of time, in an apparent attempt to substitute the act for nourishment.

Undine Proctor, a mid-western mother of twin babies, staunchly defends her ritual of putting the mouths of her children on her breast several times each day, despite their obvious inability to give sexual consent.

“There are plenty of studies out there that say this is better than formula,” says Proctor. “It’s good for your baby’s immune system.”

Dr. Ungress, a Professor at Brown University who teaches several graduate and undergraduate courses on sexuality and sexual health, disagrees.

“There is significant research to suggest that infants who are breastfed [against their will] grow up to be [un]healthy … and substantially [less] resistant to disease [and corruption. In addition, most clergy agree that breasts serve no reproductive function.]”

As many as 66% of American mothers “breastfeed” their children (the number is believed to be even higher in developing nations), and of those, nearly 22% do so for longer than six months after childbirth.

The trend has become pandemic in recent years, with Pope Benedict XVI issuing a condemnation of the act, in an attempt to stem the breastfeeding tide.

“In this time of widespread questionable morals, we must remember that it is God’s way to test our faith, and this was most apparent when He created womankind. The regular temptations that females provide must be resisted, or our society will crumble into a chaos of hedonism, sex, and breasts. We must take care to reeducate the world’s mothers that ‘breastfeeding’ is impure in the eyes of God.”

A disturbing ritual…

Under conditions of anonymity, one mother agreed to demonstrate the act of breastfeeding. Please be advised that the following description is of a sexually graphic nature.

“I can tell by the way my baby cries whether she’s hungry,” she began as she lowered the strap on her dress, exposing her swollen breast. A small amount of a milky white substance was dribbling from her nipple.

“I just raise her head up to my breast like so,” she said as she brought the infants mouth dangerously close to her nipple, “And she latches on and begins to suck.” The baby then took the nipple into her mouth and stopped crying immediately, most likely due to suffocation.

The child unknowingly participated in the act for several minutes. During the duration, the mother smiled coyly, clearly enjoying the intercourse.

What to do if your mother puts her breast in your mouth…

Most mothers commit the act of breastfeeding with noble intentions. While we cannot fault them for allowing themselves to become swayed by the agenda of the mammary activists, you must take action to protect yourself and your mother from the repercussions of this practice.

Women are frequently emotional and are easily upset, and so you should be careful to keep the situation from becoming a potentially violent confrontation. If your mother puts her breast in your mouth, you should gently remind her that you do not approve of breastfeeding.

“Offer an alternative activity, such as Bible readings, to help distract her from this urge,” says Dr. Allan Milo, a psychologist who runs a breastfeeding reeducation center in Vorhees, NJ. “It is unlikely that any mother will be willing to change overnight. Patience is important.”

There are many centers like Dr. Milo’s set up around the United States that offer courses and reading material to help you to educate your mother about the potential danger of breastfeeding.